Confused

Well I'm back writing on here again, it's been about 5 hours since I wrote my last post lol- I really need to do better things with my time. I just love to ramble on about things that are bugging me. It's good to get it off my chest. Moving on with my story... do any of you struggle with your relationship with God? I'm asking this simply because I have been having a really hard time with it lately. Well it's actually been an off and on problem throughout my whole life. It's been on my mind a lot today, and I've been trying to figure the whole thing out. I'm finding that I don't spend enough time with God. It's not that I don't care about Him anymore, and it is still really important to me to spend time with Him, but *sigh*... I don't know. I just can't seem to find the time to fit it into my daily schedule. I've always wanted to have some sort of a routine- like reading my bible every morning or before I go to bed, or even praying every morning. For some reason though (and I'm sure this will confuse most of you) I find that I get distracted when I'm trying to spend time with God. I'll start praying, and then start thinking about something else. Eventually I'll remember what I was doing before, but by that point I can't even remember what I was praying about. Sometimes when I'm at work by myself, I'll try and pray, and then I'll be interrupted by a customer or something. I do however, always pray before I go to bed, but the thing is... I can never finish a prayer because I end up falling asleep LOL. Even when I try to read my bible, I feel like I'm not really soaking it in- it's becoming like a chore for me. This frustrates me and makes me sad because I want to have a close relationship with God.

I went to church on Sunday, and I was watching everybody worshiping, and I started feeling really negative about everything. Everybody seemed so passionate about what they were doing- they were on fire for God. I was sitting there thinking...why can't I have that? Why don't I have this kind of relationship with God. Then, I got mad at myself and it kind of went downhill from there.

Even though I've been a Christian my whole life, I've always felt kind of distant from God. I've had my ups and downs- sometimes I can't get enough of the Bible, and other times it's a chore for me to read it. Sometimes I even feel like God doesn't listen to my prayers, and he doesn't speak to me like he does to others- actually that's what I've struggled with the most. When I see people getting words or pictures from God, it sometimes frustrates me because no matter what I do I can never have that sort of relationship with Him. I can remember a few months ago when I was so confused about what I was going to do with my life, and a woman from church told me that she would pray for me. Instead of feeling good about having someone pray for me (which is usually what you're supposed to feel), I was thinking.."how is this going to help the situation at all?" I even went to my Dad to ask him what I should do, and of course he said- "pray about it, and God will show you what he wants you to do with your life." Being frustrated, I replied, "But Dad, God doesn't speak to me!" I did take his advice, however, and of course he was right. I soon realized that I wasn't going to figure this out on my own. So I prayed about it, and surely, things came into focus. Why do we doubt God? I ask myself that all the time. When I think about the situation though, God does speak to me, it's just hard to see sometimes.

Anyway, if you have any advice for me or encouragement it would be greatly appreciated lol:) I've started writing my prayers out, and it's actually making a big difference.

Beauty in Sunsets

"Sunsets are so beautiful that they almost seem as if we were looking through the gates of Heaven"- John Lubbock

Today I thought I would write about sunsets. For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by the beauty of sunsets. I have always said that if I ever was a painter (which believe me, I could never be lol), that's exactly what I would paint. I would seriously love to own a painting of a sunset, but unfortunately I still do not have one. But anyway, the reason why I used the quote above is because I can really relate to what he is saying. Whenever I look at sunsets, I feel as if I'm being filled with God's peace, and I can feel his presence so strongly. I remember when I went camping in P.E.I with my family a few years ago- there were always beautiful sunsets every night. I would go on walks by myself down by the ocean and stare in amazement lol. I was able to forget everything else that was on my mind, and really focus on God. I don't think I had ever seen anything so beautiful, and I can remember me wondering how people could see something as amazing as this and not believe in God. Many of us just don't take the time to look around and see some of God's amazing creations.

I think that is also why I enjoy camping so much. I always loved everything about it- the long walks by the beach, hikes, canoeing etc. I can remember getting up really early with my Dad and going canoeing. Everybody was still sleeping in the campground, so it was always very quiet and peaceful. The air smelt so fresh, and the scenery was always so fascinating lol. Whenever we went camping at Grundy Lake, Zac and I always used to get up every morning and go to the cliffs. We would bring the dog, some books, and our bathing suits (they were great cliffs to jump off of lol). It was one of my favourite places to be... everything about it was awesome lol. This post is making me miss camping now:(...so sad. I'm definitely going to be a camping person when I'm older. I'll have to make sure I marry someone who enjoys camping... well even if he doesn't I'll still drag him along with me LOL.

Anyway, there was really no purpose to the post- I just wanted to express my love for sunsets lol. But, I hope you enjoyed reading it and learning a little bit more about me. Remember to take a good look around you and see all the amazing things God has created- you'll be amazed!

Be encouraged!

Ok, I know I've already written on here once today... but I just finished reading something by Max Lucado that really helped me. As I said in my earlier post, I've been feeling really discouraged today (I'll spare you the details). I tried everything to cheer myself up- played the piano, went on a walk, played with Winston in the backyard lol, nothing worked. So, I came to the conclusion that the only thing that could really help me right now is God, and I really needed to spend some time with Him (which I haven't been doing enough of lately- it's a struggle for me sometimes). So, I went in my room, prayed, and pulled out some good old Max Lucado. What I read helped me so much, and I thought it would be cool to put it on here. Here it is:

Remember, a finisher is not one with no wounds or weariness. Quite to the contrary, he, like the boxer, is scarred and bloody. Mother Theresa is credited with saying, "God didn't call us to be successful, just faithful." Listen to this chorus of verses designed to give us staying power:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather healed.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Love

So I'm sitting here alone in my house, feeling a little bit frustrated about some stuff. Since I have a day off, I was planning on working on my Supplemental Application for Laurier University- I never realized how difficult it is to write an essay about your personal qualities and skills. Considering that I wasn't getting anywhere with my essay, I decided to take a break and get the mail... and of course I got a letter from Nipissing University. In the letter it said that it is no longer a requirement to complete the supplemental application. I was kind of confused, so I made a phone call and talked to someone from the Brantford Campus. He was NO help at all, and I think he just confused me even more. So, I gave up trying to figure that out, and decided to get my Peppernut Tree schedule from my manager. Did she have my schedule? No she didn't, and to top it all off, she told me that she was cutting back my hours for a couple of months. Anyway, that's how my day has been going so far lol. But, this is not what I wanted to talk about in this post, so moving on...
Lately I've been thinking about love and how important it is. My brother and I had a long discussion about unconditional love on our trip to Niagara Falls a couple of days ago. We don't usually do this, but it was just the 2 of us and we were driving for a good 3 hours so, what else is there to do? lol It was interesting to listen to what he had to say, especially since we have completely different beliefs. Zac and I usually agree on everything- it's always been that way. It's always really great being able to talk to someone who has the same thoughts towards certain things. We then got into a discussion about the bible and church, and why he decided to leave the church. I never knew the whole story, but once he opened up and told me everything, I was so sad. The stuff he told me just broke my heart. But at the same time, I could understand why he would want to leave the church, and why he had questions about Christianity. What we realized is that we have both been through similar situations, and we've questioned the same things. What I really appreciate though is that he still accepts me for who I am, and has no problem with me being a Christian. Even though we have different beliefs, we can still be there for each other. He still has a good heart, and I love him for who he is. So, my point is, it's important to love people even if they don't believe in the same things as you. The only thing you can really do for those people, is pray for them.
There was also something that happened in Sobey's that reminded me of how important it is to love one another. There was a couple that came into Sobey's over the weekend, and you could kind of tell that they struggled financially. When they came down my lane, I felt a little bit uncomfortable. To be honest, the man kind of scared me because he was wearing a black mask over his face, and you could only see his mouth. His eyes and everything else was covered. Then, once I got a good look at their order I realized that what they were buying was kind of strange- they bought 10 bricks of cheese and one pig snout! The whole time I was thinking, what on earth are they going to do with all that cheese and one random pig snout? lol Anyway, after they had paid for everything, I noticed that the lady was counting the money that she had left over. She told me that every penny is extremely important to her and that she has to spend her money wisely. She only had fifteen dollars left, and to my amazement, she gave me her last bit of money and asked if she could purchase a $15 food bank bag!! She told me that other families need it more than she does. I was in complete shock! I thought that was so awesome for her to do that. Even though she really needed that money, she was willing to give it all up to help someone else. How awesome is that?!? That is what I mean by loving one another. It's so important to be there for people, and to love each other no matter what kind of life they have lived. I felt horrible afterwards for judging them before I even talked to them. It was a great reminder for me though. So I thought I would end this post with a quote that I think is really appropriate for this topic.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them" - Mother Theresa