Wishful Thinking

Wishful thinking is always never good.
It fills you with false hopes,
Which almost never come true.
I will admit, that I have been a victim of this.
In fact, I've been so blind my whole entire life,
About something I should have known would never happen.
Now you're probably wondering what that wish was,
And as stupid as it may sound, I wanted to be good enough.
Even though I've been told otherwise,
And have been proven wrong time and time again,
I still believed that if I prayed hard enough, this day would finally come.
But now I see the error in that, and have come to learn the truth.
No matter what I do or say, I will never be good enough for you.
When I think about my life and everything in it,
I remember the horrible times spent thinking about it.
I tried to figure out why I deserved to be treated this way,
And why in the world I was ever put here anyway.
I tried to change and become what other people thought I should be
But continually, I failed and people still found faults in me.
I've been used, rejected and lied to.
Friends telling me they'd always be there for me,
But in the end, they decide to toss me away- like a piece of garbage.
I didn't understand why it was so easy for people to get rid of me-
Like I had no significance in their life whatsoever.
I tried so hard to forget about what everyone else said,
But now I know the truth and I should have listened to them.
I just thought for once that maybe somebody would appreciate me.
I still continue to be judged and have always felt like an outsider
Whenever I'm described by others, there's always a but-
"I love you but..., you're an amazing person but...,
You did an awesome job but..., you're beautiful but..."
At least now I know what the problem is- it's not them, but me.
I'll never be the best daughter, the best friend, or the best sister.
I'll never be the best employee, musician, girlfriend, or student.
People are always changing their mind about me-
I'm either too shy, too loud, too snobby, or too nice,
Too skinny, too fat, too ugly, too pretty, too perfect, or too bad.
I'm sorry for being me, and for letting you down.
I'm sorry for failing, and for bringing you down.
You see, I've been waiting for a day,
When you'd say you loved me anyway-
You loved me despite my flaws, my failures, and my imperfections.
You loved me for me and not for my achievements.
At least now I know this day will never come.



Good Enough? That was just wishful thinking...

By: Autumn Roe