Confused

Well I'm back writing on here again, it's been about 5 hours since I wrote my last post lol- I really need to do better things with my time. I just love to ramble on about things that are bugging me. It's good to get it off my chest. Moving on with my story... do any of you struggle with your relationship with God? I'm asking this simply because I have been having a really hard time with it lately. Well it's actually been an off and on problem throughout my whole life. It's been on my mind a lot today, and I've been trying to figure the whole thing out. I'm finding that I don't spend enough time with God. It's not that I don't care about Him anymore, and it is still really important to me to spend time with Him, but *sigh*... I don't know. I just can't seem to find the time to fit it into my daily schedule. I've always wanted to have some sort of a routine- like reading my bible every morning or before I go to bed, or even praying every morning. For some reason though (and I'm sure this will confuse most of you) I find that I get distracted when I'm trying to spend time with God. I'll start praying, and then start thinking about something else. Eventually I'll remember what I was doing before, but by that point I can't even remember what I was praying about. Sometimes when I'm at work by myself, I'll try and pray, and then I'll be interrupted by a customer or something. I do however, always pray before I go to bed, but the thing is... I can never finish a prayer because I end up falling asleep LOL. Even when I try to read my bible, I feel like I'm not really soaking it in- it's becoming like a chore for me. This frustrates me and makes me sad because I want to have a close relationship with God.

I went to church on Sunday, and I was watching everybody worshiping, and I started feeling really negative about everything. Everybody seemed so passionate about what they were doing- they were on fire for God. I was sitting there thinking...why can't I have that? Why don't I have this kind of relationship with God. Then, I got mad at myself and it kind of went downhill from there.

Even though I've been a Christian my whole life, I've always felt kind of distant from God. I've had my ups and downs- sometimes I can't get enough of the Bible, and other times it's a chore for me to read it. Sometimes I even feel like God doesn't listen to my prayers, and he doesn't speak to me like he does to others- actually that's what I've struggled with the most. When I see people getting words or pictures from God, it sometimes frustrates me because no matter what I do I can never have that sort of relationship with Him. I can remember a few months ago when I was so confused about what I was going to do with my life, and a woman from church told me that she would pray for me. Instead of feeling good about having someone pray for me (which is usually what you're supposed to feel), I was thinking.."how is this going to help the situation at all?" I even went to my Dad to ask him what I should do, and of course he said- "pray about it, and God will show you what he wants you to do with your life." Being frustrated, I replied, "But Dad, God doesn't speak to me!" I did take his advice, however, and of course he was right. I soon realized that I wasn't going to figure this out on my own. So I prayed about it, and surely, things came into focus. Why do we doubt God? I ask myself that all the time. When I think about the situation though, God does speak to me, it's just hard to see sometimes.

Anyway, if you have any advice for me or encouragement it would be greatly appreciated lol:) I've started writing my prayers out, and it's actually making a big difference.