Trying to Figure Things Out

Well, I thought I would write on here today, since it has been a couple of weeks. I hope that everyone had a great Christmas! My Christmas was awesome!! I was able to take a break from work and see some of my family. I had really started to miss them, especially since I hadn't seen some of them for more than a year. I was also able to get a lot of thinking done during this little break, which probably wasn't the best thing for me. It actually made me a lot more confused and stressed about things lol. I honestly believe that I think way too much for my own good. So anyway, I think it will help to write my thoughts out. Well here goes...
I've been really stressed out about work lately. I feel like work is my second home, and that it's keeping me away from the things that are really important, like my family and friends. People are always telling me that I am never around anymore, and I feel really bad about that. Family and friends have always been really important to me, and I feel like I haven't been the best daughter, sister, or friend. For the past couple of days I have been catching up with everybody, which has been great, but it has also reminded me of how much I've been missing out on. When I talked to one of my friends on Christmas Eve, she had so much to tell me. The whole time I was thinking, where the heck have I been this past month? How do I not know this already? Today Zac and I also drove up to my grandparents place for our family gathering, and again I realized that I have not been around much. We had a really good talk, and it was actually just what I needed. This seriously frustrates me to no end! I'm getting to the point now, where I just don't care about work at all. Customers are starting to drive me crazy, and pretty much everything about work is driving me insane. I've been working a lot this month, and I really need a vacation lol. I've been having issues with time lately lol, and I'm sure this won't make sense to any of you, but I'm still going to ramble on about it. For some reason, I am always worrying about time, and this actually causes a lot of stress and anxiety. I'm always thinking about how much time I have left before I have to go to work, or how much time there is left before I can go home. Sometimes when I know I have to wake up early for work, I don't even sleep well during the night because I'm up thinking about how much time I have left to sleep. Seriously, this is me we're talking about.... the one who LOVES sleep! LOL I'm probably the only one who has these issues, and I'm sure you're all very confused, so I'm just going to ramble about something else. I really don't know what to do, so if you have any advice I could really use some. I'm thinking that I need to take some time off of work. This 2 day vacation thing is not going to work for me. I'm just worried that I'm going to wear myself out. I don't want to miss out on the important things in life. Life goes by way too fast to be missing out on all of that. So, I'm really sorry if I haven't been around much these past couple of months! So, as I'm sure you can see, I am really looking forward to the new year. My hours will hopefully decrease, and I am so ready for some change. So anyway, I just want to thank everyone for putting up with me. You have all helped me get through these crazy months, and I am truly blessed to have you as friends! Wow, this whole post has been negative, but I gotta say, I feel much better now. Well, it's 12:40am so I should be getting to bed now. Oh, for those of you who enjoy watching musicals, you have to see the movie "Once". It is so good! If you listen to Falling Slowly on Youtube I'm sure you'd want to watch it!:) Thanks again for taking the time to read my ramblings!

Family

Well, since I have nothing better to do right now, I thought I would write on here again. I'm feeling less stressed today, mainly because I finished my applications for university last night. It feels so good to have one less thing to worry about. I decided to apply to schools that were close by: Laurier, Waterloo, and McMaster. I don't really want to live far away from my family.
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about how important my family is to me. For a little while now, there's been a lot of stress and tension in the family. It's not like we're not getting along or anything, we're just disagreeing on a lot of stuff. All of this is causing a lot of drama, and it's not always fun to be here. It's been really worrying me lately, because I can't have my family fall apart on me. My family is so important to me, and that's the last thing I would ever want to happen. I personally think we just need to have a family conference lol, because then we would all be able to share how we feel about the situation. Anyway, on a more positive note, I was actually able to hang out with Zac a couple nights ago. Believe me, this rarely happens, especially now that he has a serious girlfriend. He's hardly ever home because he's either at her house, or he's at McMaster! His classes are done now, so he should be home more often. It's kind of sad though, because I used to be so close with my brother, but things are different now. Anyway, he decided to pick me up from work, and what's even more strange is he really wanted to watch the O.C with me. Zac HATES that show haha, so it was a little weird (he probably wanted to watch it because Marissa died in that episode, he didn't really like that character haha). So, he made us smoothies, and we sat and watched the O.C for an hour. Then, we decided to go out and shovel the snow, which actually turned out to be a lot of fun as well. So, you're probably wondering what this has to do with anything. Well, this night actually made me feel much better about our family issues lol. I think if we just work together, and communicate with one another, we might actually be able to fix the problems. It also made me feel much better about my decision to not move away from home. It's my family and friends that help get me through the day, so why move away lol? Well, I should probably be going...I'm off to Sobey's now.

A New Start

Hey everyone! I know...it's been about a year since I last updated my blog haha, but I think it's time that I start using it again. As you can see, I've deleted all my previous posts, simply because I wanted a fresh start on here. Well anyway, where do I begin...a lot has actually changed in my life over the past year. I am done high school now (thank goodness), and I am currently taking a year off. I'm trying to save up some money for university, and of course trying to get my life back on track. To be honest, I've had some mixed feelings about this whole year off thing. People always tell me that it must be so nice not having to do any school work, but it actually really sucks! It's not that I like doing school work or anything, but working non-stop is not a lot of fun for me. Being a cashier is not what I really had planned for my life lol. I wish I was doing something more with my life. I want to be out there making a difference in people's lives, but instead I'm at home working everyday, and being bored with life. It can actually get kind of lonely at times. I mean usually whenever I'm at home, I'm by myself because everyone else is at work, and then of course when everybody comes home, I leave for work. None of my friends are usually around either because they are in school. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to get used to that. I guess I'm ready for some change in my life...I'm bored with just having to work all the time. I don't want my life to just be about work. I want God to use me in this world, I want to make a difference. The good thing about this year off though, is that I've been able to figure some things out about myself. I've been able to get my life back on track, and I'm not as lost and confused as I was a few months ago. I feel like I actually have some purpose in my life for once. I mean before, I felt like I was watching my life slip away from me, and that I had let people down. I was disappointed in myself for so many reasons. For instance, I felt like I had let people down because I decided not to go to university this year. I also felt horrible with myself for giving up on piano. For those of you who don't know, I'm not doing music anymore in university. I actually ended up stopping my piano lessons in June. Something just didn't feel right about it. I felt like the biggest failure in the world, because I pretty much gave up, and I'm not usually the type of person who gives up on things. But now that I think about it, I know I made the right decision. I can play the piano whenever I want, and I can play whatever I want. It's so much better that way! But anyway, I feel like things are coming into focus a little more in my life. I used to say that I felt like I was lost in a maze, and I couldn't find my way out, but now I feel like things are so much more clearer. I truly believe that this year off has helped me tremendously. Even though it can be hard to see at times, God has truly blessed me these past couple of months. He has guided me through this confusing time in my life, and has given me a better idea of what I want to do with my life. Right now I'm looking into teaching, so hopefully that works out for me. Lately, I've been thinking about how thankful I am for my friends. I really don't know what I would do with out them. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to keep in touch with them since they were going off to university, but I was totally wrong. I've also been able to talk with some of my old childhood friends. It's so great to see how God is working in their lives. I'm so thankful for them, because even though it's been years they still want to talk. I've met so many awesome people in my life, and it's so great being able to catch up with them, and see what they're doing with their life. Well anyway, now that I've written a novel lol, I should probably be leaving for work now. It feels so great writing on here again. Also, for those who like jazz music, there's a really nice song called "Only the Lonely" by Tierney Sutton that is soo good. You have to listen to it! Ok I'm done rambling now!