Another year, a different story.

The summer has finally come to an end, and I will be going into my second year at Laurier University. I have many mixed emotions when it comes to school, and I have no idea what to expect. I didn’t have an especially great year, so the thought of going back to Laurier kind of scares me. I think part of me worries that I won’t have time for the important things in life- like relationships, hobbies, and most importantly God. I just don’t want school to take over my whole life, and I don’t want to become overwhelmed with everything. There’s also a part of me that is still longing to go to Emmanuel Bible College. No matter what I do and how hard I try to ignore these feelings, it just keeps eating away at me. I guess I just have to continue trusting God though. Even though my heart may not be set on Laurier, I’m sure God will help me through it. I just need to change my attitude and try to make the most of this year. I feel like I am more ready for school though this year. Last year I was dealing with a lot of personal problems, and that seemed to effect how I was at school. However, I spent a lot of time getting some healing throughout the summer, and it has made such a difference. God is so good and faithful.

So, I will try to continue to update this thing as much as I can. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

My Brother and I

I have an amazing brother named Zac who has always been there for me in every way. He's not only great at being a brother, but he's also been a close friend of mine. I realized today how much I appreciate him and how he has always supported me in everything I do. We've always been really close, and we seem to have the same sense of humour. I've really enjoyed the walks that we've been going on lately- we try to go on one each night. Zac is getting married in a few months, and I am so happy for him. His fiance has changed his life in so many ways, and they deeply love each other. At the same time, however, I'm sad that he'll be leaving. I don't know what I'll do without him around. It'll definitely take a while to get used to this big change. So, I'm going to try to enjoy every minute I get to spend with Zac. Every walk we go on is really special to me, and I have to treat it like it'll be our last walk. I'm so thankful though, and feel really blessed to have a brother like Zac. When I hear about how disfunctional some brother-sister relationships are, I'm so thrilled that mine is not like that. I love my brother!

Waiting...

"Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure."

I've recently had an unexpected change take place in my life- one that has left me with many mixed emotions. I lost a dear friend of mine a few months ago. It's kind of a long story and I don't want to get into all of the details. Throughout my life I have been blessed with many amazing friends, and I've learned to appreciate them and treat them like rare treasures. A year or so ago, I met an amazing person that changed my life in so many ways. We were close, and talked almost everyday. It was almost healing just talking and spending time with them. We would always go on long walks and talk about some of the struggles we were going through at the time. I had been through a lot in the past, and just having someone there that understood made things seem less terrible. I loved them and knew that God had brought that person into my life for a reason.

We ran into some problems a few months ago, and I was scared of the friendship ending. I fought frantically to save it, and was willing to do anything I could to make things better. The thought of losing that person was more than I could handle. Despite my efforts, however, our friendship did come to an end. There is nothing I can do anymore, and this whole situation has left me feeling so overwhelmed with many different emotions. I believe that there is still hope for us and I pray daily for there to be reconciliation. It's been a long few months, and I'm heartbroken that something came between us. I trust God completely, but sometimes I'm scared leaving the situation in His hands. I know He'll take care of it, but I have this huge fear that my friend will forget about me. It's silly, I know, but I can't help myself from thinking those things sometimes. It would mean so much to me if I could have that friend back. I love and miss them more than words can describe. So, if you don't mind, could you remember to keep my friend and I in your prayers? I would appreciate it so much, and it means a lot to me. Thank you for all of your help and support. God can do the impossible (or what may seem impossible to us), and I'm confident that I'll be seeing my dear friend again.

Do Not Worry!

"MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

- Thomas Merton

Lately I've been thinking about the uncertainties of life, and how everything seems to change so quickly. People are growing up and starting their own lives, siblings are moving away, friends are drifting apart, relationships are both forming and ending, and the list goes on. Sometimes it feels as though we have no control over any aspect of our lives. Fortunately, we can control how we conduct our lives and how we overcome each barrier and change that takes place. I know that I have always struggled with change, and if it was up to me, I would probably like it if most things remained the same. At the moment, things in my life seem very much up in the air- I'm scared of what the next few months will bring, and I have no idea where I'll be in the years to come. However, at the same time, it's so comforting to know that God is in control of everything. I know that if I continue trusting and following Him, He will direct my life and keep me on the right path. We have nothing to worry about because God loves us, and He knows what is best for us. I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that. Everything is part of God's plan- even the painful situations, which we all dread. He loves us so much, so we can trust Him with everything that happens in our lives!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

- Philippians 4: 6&7

Time sure does fly by...

Hello everyone (aka Rebecca or any other random people that still read this blog)! I know what you're thinking... "Wow, is Autumn actually still alive and wanting to update her blog?" Well, it's true, I'm still breathing and I am doing quite well. I have wanted to update this thing for such a long time, but with school and all the other crazy things that have happened this past year, I haven't had much time. It's strange because so much has gone on, but I'm still not quite sure what to say. I won't go too much into detail about my life, but I'll give you a bit of an update anyway.
I have just finished my first year at university, and I can definitely say that it was an interesting experience. The first couple of months were rough for me, and I had a hard time making friends. Part of the problem was that I was commuting, and so I wasn't spending a lot of time at the university. I also was not really motivated to do anything actually. Before officially deciding to go to this particular university, I had been thinking about going to Bible College. It was just something that had been on my mind for quite some time, and it felt right to me. However, after talking to my parents and several other people, I felt like it might be best if I went to Laurier (although deep down I would have loved to go to Bible College). So, not only did I not want to be at Laurier, I was really lonely as well. However, after the first couple of months, things started to improve. I met some nice people, and was starting to enjoy some of my courses. Things continued to get better in second semester, and I made many new friends. But, even though things improved, something still didn't feel right. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but I guess you can say that something in my spirit just didn't sit right. I thought about Bible College every day, and whenever I talk about it with other people, I just feel so excited, and feel like God wants me to be there. I still need to figure out when I'm supposed to be there- I mean, should I stop taking the program at Laurier and go to Bible College in the fall? Or should I finish the program at Laurier, and then attend Bible College? Anyway, that's where I'm at right now, and I need to spend a lot of time praying about that this summer, and hopefully I'll have it figured out by them. I'll fill you in more as time goes on, and hopefully I'll start updating my blog on a regular basis. I guess that's all I'll say for now, but I'll end this post with an encouraging poem. Thanks for taking the time to read this :)

Anxious Prayers

When we are deeply disturbed with a problem

And our mind is filled with doubt

And we struggle to find a solution

But there seems to be no way out,

We futilely keep on trying

To untangle our web of distress-

But our own little, puny efforts

Meet with very little success...

And finally exhausted and weary,

Discouraged and downcast and low,

With no foreseeable answer

And with no other place to go,

We kneel down in sheer desperation

And slowly and stumblingly pray

Then impatiently wait for an answer

Which we fully expect right away...

And then, when God does not answer,

In one, sudden instant we say,

"God does not seem to be listening,

So why should we bother to pray" ...

But God can't get through to "the anxious"

Who are much too impatient to wait-

You have to believe in God's promise

That he comes not too soon or too late,

For, whether God answers promptly

Or delays in answering your prayer,

You must have faith to believe Him

And to know in your heart He'll be there ...

So be not impatient or hasty,

Just trust in the Lord and believe,

For whatever you ask in faith and love

In abundance you are sure to receive.

- Helen Steiner Rice

Always in My Heart

It seems we met such a short time ago.
In a couple of months it will be a year.
We have shared many beautiful moments
And have shed a few tears.
I remember the hours we spent talking,
And all the stories we told.
We talked about our fears and goals,
And of course your jokes never got old.
Every moment we spent together,
Was special in it’s own way.
But now the day has come,
And it is time to say goodbye.
We have to go our separate ways-
Oh, how it kills me inside.
But before I go,
There are some things you must know.
The first day I met you,
My life had completely changed.
And from that point on,
I knew that I loved you.
You brought joy and peace to my life,
And even gave great advice too.
Even when things were tough,
You always knew what to do.
I know I am still young,
And have many things in life to experience.
But one thing I know is true,
And that is the way I felt about you.
I wanted to be the one who made you laugh;
Just to see that smile everyday,
Would be enough.
I wanted to be the one who wiped away your tears,
And got rid of all of your fears,
I wanted to be able to see your face-
Look into your eyes,
And know everything was okay.
I wanted to be the one you would talk to,
When things got rough.
Even if it was the most scariest thing,
I wanted to be the one you could trust.
If I could take away all of your pain,
I would do it in a heartbeat.
I never want to see you hurting,
Because when you cry,
A piece of my heart dies.
I wanted to be the one,
That would catch you when you fall.
But I guess now,
Someone will have to take my place.
I am sad that it has come to this-
I fought with all my heart to save it.
I do not know if you will ever read this,
But if you do
I hope you know it was meant for you.
Goodbye may seem forever,
And farewell is like the end.
But in my heart you will always remain.
I will never forget you,
And if ever you should feel unloved,
Always remember that I loved you.

By: Autumn Roe

New Chapter

I didn't realize that it had almost been two months since I last posted something on here. Of course there have been times when I wanted to say something, but I would either be really busy, or I'd be too lazy. Sorry for all those who still check this thing-- I promise to start writing on here again more often. So, I'm sure you're probably wondering what I've been up to. Well, I guess you should know that I've recently started a new chapter in my life. It'll be a very long, scary, and time-consuming journey, but with God's help I'm sure I can get through it. Yep... you guessed it. This new chapter is University! I'm not going to get into too much detail about why I'm here, or what kind of stuff I'm doing, but I will talk a little bit about my time here so far.

I decided to continue living at home, so I'm currently just commuting back and forth from Cambridge to Laurier everyday. The orientation week didn't go as well as I thought it would, and there's a long story about that, lol. I just started classes this week and that has been interesting. The prof's seem to be pretty decent so far, and I think the courses I'm in will be fairly enjoyable for the most part. One thing I like about university is that it's such a more relaxing atmosphere here-- you can come in whatever clothes you want, and you can eat and drink coffee while you're taking notes. So, that part is good. However, the transition into University has been tough on me. I think it's partly because I took a year off, and therefore am not used to having lots of reading. Also, I'm finding it difficult making friends here. I mean, there are people I've talked to, and some nice people I have met, but I'm having a hard time connecting with anyone. So, that's making things worse for me, but it's only the first week so it's got to get better soon. I just need to cut myself some slack.

Another reason why I might be having a hard time with University is because I went into it with a lot of other problems going on in my life. Right before I started I found out that two of my close friends were moving-- one to Calgary, and the other to London. That of course, really upset me, and I'm having to deal with that on top of my school work. But anyway, I know God wants me here so I just have to trust in Him. I know He will get me through this! Thanks again everyone for reading this, and for your friendship. It means the world to me.