I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update this thing. I didn't realize that the last time I wrote on here was in February- Yikes! I've wanted to update this for so long, but I was never really sure what to talk about. Yeah I know... that must be strange to hear that from me considering that I'm always rambling about something. Anyway, this has definitely been an interesting year- of course there's been good things and bad things about it. But to be completely honest, things have been a little rough for me lately. Through these tough times, however, I have learned a lot about myself and about other things in life.
So, as you can see, this post is about "loss and letting go". Obviously loss can mean a lot of things... depending on the person and what they're going through it could mean losing a loved one, losing a friend, or even losing one of your favourite tops lol (clearly, this is not what this post is about). Throughout my life I have experienced quite a lot of loss, and it is really one of the worst things to have to go through. Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm not an overly emotional person. However, when it comes to any kind of loss, I'm knocked right off my feet and it really destroys me emotionally. It takes a long time for me to get over things like that. When I lose things that mean so much to me, I feel like a part of me is being ripped out- like a part of me has died. One of the worst times of my life was about 2 years ago, when I lost three things that were really special to me in less than a week. As hard as that week was for me, I survived it and God got me through it. Another hard time for me was in Grade 10 when my friend Chris passed away. It was such a tragic event, and even though it's been a couple of years I still think about him all the time. It's crazy how quickly things can change (when you’re least expecting it). I mean, one day I'm talking to Chris by my locker, and the next day he's gone. I can definitely say that I know what they mean when they say "you don't know what you have until it's gone." But what I don't understand is why something has to be taken away from us in order to fully see it's importance and meaning. Of course once it is taken away and you start to realize how special it actually was, you cannot get it back- it's gone forever. I think many of us take our relationships with other people for granted. It blows my mind to see how some people treat their friends, and how easy it is for people to just toss their friends to the side as if they meant nothing at all to them. It's very rare when you can find a good friend- one that you can trust and depend on. So, why throw it away?
These past few months have been really tough because I've had to watch one of my friendships come to an end. This person meant so much to me and to have to watch something that was so special to me, go to waste, really threw me for a loop. My friends mean everything to me and when I lose one, I feel as if a part of me is being ripped out. I tried everything I could to keep it going, but nothing seemed to work. Emails stopped, phone calls stopped, we didn't hang out anymore- it was like we were complete strangers. It hurt me so much because I didn't understand how I could go from being on the top of someone's list to not being on their list at all. The hardest part is knowing that that person once cared about you. I started blaming myself for the way things were, and of course that doesn't make the situation any better. Whenever I talked to anyone about it, they would say, "Oh just forget about the person, you'll make more friends." But you see, no matter how hard you try to forget someone, you never can. Even when they're no longer a part of your life, they still remain in your heart. You think you've gotten over the person, and then you come across something that reminds you of them and all of the pain and heart ache comes rushing back in, and it's overwhelming. Also, no matter how many friends you make, no one can ever replace that person because every friendship is unique and special in it's own way. What I began to realize as time went by is that no matter what I did or said, I would never be able to get that person back. I mean, you can't make someone be your friend or care about you. This is where the "letting go" part comes in. Even though it's an extremely hard thing to do, it's the right thing to do. I mean, if you really love someone and care about them, you have to be willing to let them go- even if it means knowing that they're happy without you. That doesn't mean you have to forget about the person or stop caring- you just have to let them do their own thing. A lot of the time people try so hard to hold onto something that they know they can never have, that they miss out on amazing things that are being offered to them at this very moment. And of course we all know the harm in that. When the person finally realizes what they've turned down, they can never get it back and it's lost forever. Also, the thing that they've been holding onto and weren't willing to let go of... well they never had that to begin with so they lose that as well. In the end, the person is left with nothing.
What I'm trying to say is, please don't take your friendships for granted. It's so important to make sure that things don't get in the way of your friendships. When I first read the quote, "Hold a true friend with both your two hands", it never really meant anything to me, but now it makes so much sense. It's so true... you really do have to hold onto your relationships with other people, because you never know when they can be taken away from you. I mean, your whole world can change in a matter of seconds. Instead of waiting for things to be taken away from us to really see it's importance, how about we take the time and really appreciate what's been given to us.
